The Secret of Closure

Why You Need Closure-

Why did my relationship end? Why did you hurt me? Was it someone else? Why did you cheat on me? What did I do to make you lose interest in me? What did I do wrong? What part of me is broken? In the aftermath of relationships gone sour there often can be one party that pulls the plug on the relationship and moves on to greener pastures. When that person moves on without providing any logical explanation, it can leave you with extreme self-doubt. So how do you get over this feeling of self-doubt, guilt, pain, and anguish? The answer is you need closure but how do you get closure?

What is Closure?

Mariana Bockarova wrote in Psychology Today, “Closure is knowing the reason a romantic relationship was terminated and no longer feeling emotional attachment or pain, thereby allowing for the establishment of new and healthy relationships.” When relationships end, there is pain because something that you have invested your time, emotions, and physical body in is now lost. However, that pain is only increased when the relationship ends, and you are left with questions as to why it ended.

Where is Closure?

A bad break up can leave a person with post-traumatic stress disorder. You may find yourself no longer being able to trust your own judgment, questioning every decision, afraid to move forward, and doubting that anything good will ever happen to you again. You can begin to punish yourself, and if not careful you may go down a road of reckless behavior to get a fresh start. In the book “Anotha on the Hitlist,” December finds herself distraught after finding out her boyfriend Ace was living a double life and cheating on her. She had so much trust and faith in her perfect relationship until Ace pulled the rug from under her feet. She began to increase her partying, hanging out with a new crowd of friends, until she found herself in a compromising position which almost ruined her life. Sadly, many people go through this process because obtaining closure is not easy.

How Do I Obtain Closure?

Facts, your ex-partner may never tell you the truth as to why your relationship ended. They may never have the courage to be brutally honest and explain why they chose to destroy your world. In the book “Colder than December,” Sean finds himself spiraling out of control as yet another woman has chosen to walk out of his life. He begins to question everything from his character to his physical appearance and ultimately he finds himself on the path to self-destruction. If you actually want to gain closure, you must be honest with yourself. Understand that sometimes things don’t work out, feelings change, people are not perfect, and this is not the end of the world. The true closure is understanding that you don’t need an explanation as to why someone else chose to hurt you or walk away from you. The truth is they have done you a great favor because they are no longer taking up your precious time which they once wasted. They have given you the freedom you need to start a new path. Look in the mirror and fall in love with yourself. Let the questions go and decide that you are worthy of love and it is that person’s loss and your gain. The power is yours.


Bockarova, M. (2016). Why We Need Closure? . Retrieved from

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