Does she introduce you to her friends and family as her FRIEND? Does she feel comfortable sharing her sexual experiences with other men with you? Has she tried to hook you up with one of her homegirls? Does she only go out with you in group settings or meet up with you for lunch dates only? Have you taken her on vacation and it was “that time of the month” or she was mysteriously ill? Do you text her you miss her and she responds “lies lol?” Do you comment under her pictures about how beautiful she looks and she replies, “Aww thanx?” You might be in the friend zone.
Finding yourself in the friendship zone can be devastating to your ego. You were everything she was looking for in a man yet you found yourself only to be considered a shoulder to cry on. She laughs at your jokes, she confides in you, and she tells you that you’re wonderful. So why are you stuck in the friendzone?
You did too much
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Every time she calls you answer the phone. Whenever she needs a ride, you are there to pick her up. When she wants to go out with her homegirls she invites you to tag along to buy drinks and to make sure another guy does not talk to her. The problem is you made yourself a boyfriend by affiliation. What need does she have to make you her romantic interest when you perform all the boyfriend duties already? You gave her all the benefits of having a boyfriend without the responsibility.
The Thrill is Gone
Women are competitive whether they admit it or not. They want to know that out of all the women on earth you are competing for their affection. The thrill of the chase is when two people are doing everything they can to compete for each other’s attention. You find yourself in the friendzone when you kill the thrill of the chase. You let it be known from day one it was all eyes on her. You’re a boring free throw buddy and she is looking for someone who shoots their shot like Steph Curry. You are boring to her. She wants to be with someone that she can make fall in love with her and your more of the love at first sight type. She doesn’t have to get her hair and nails done or play mental games to get your attention. To put it simply, your easy and she needs a challenge.
Closed mouths don’t get fed. You have spent all your time trying to prove to her that you are the nicest guy on earth. You never give her space to miss you because every social media post she writes you respond like a personal cheerleader. Every time she calls you answer on the first ring. When she texts you text her back in five minutes. You have killed her attraction to you by looking desperate. You spent the last six months listening to her tell you how wrong some guy just did her. You give her some lame response like “I would never do you like that.” You try your hardest to be her Drake in shining armor, but it just does not work. You have done everything but tell her how you feel. Sure, you flirt with her occasionally but your attempts at flirting are too dramatic, and she is looking for a savage experience. She is looking for a lion, and you are a dove at best. Worst of all you have vented to her about all your failed attempts at love in hopes she will feel sympathy for you. If nobody else wants you, why should she? You are in the friendzone, and there is nobody to blame but you.
At this point, you have two choices. You either accept the fact you are going to be friends forever or end the friendship. This friendship is not Brown Sugar, and you two will not fall in love with Hip-Hop together. The best relationships have three elements that must work in perfect harmony love, sex, and friendship. You have given away the friendship, so now she is out there looking for love and sex. The truth is you may be hindering her relationships by being such a wonderful friend. You are not giving her the opportunity to find a healthy relationship because you are fulfilling her basic friendship needs. She keeps getting done dirty by savages because she is only looking for what she is not getting from you; love and sex. If you are tired of being a shoulder to cry on, then give her the space she needs so she can find a healthy relationship. After all, you need love and sex too, and you will never have a healthy relationship while you are giving her all of your friendship. Godspeed.