Finding the Balance in your Relationship

fd73cc1c50e0b31063708ea3b1f5550dIs something missing from your relationship? Is your relationship more sex driven than love driven? Are you better friends than lovers? Do you love your partner just not interested in sexual relationship anymore? Relationships are challenging. Three key elements to a successful relationship are love, sex, and friendship. The best relationships have a balance of all three and the difficult relationships are having trouble keeping the harmony. Here are some quick jewels that can help with finding the balance in your relationship.


Love is many things to many different people. The truth is we try and define love but love is very complicated. The reason for this is that we all have different experiences in life. People have expressed love to us in many ways. Therefore, we all love people differently because we love other people how we have been taught to love. The truth about love is that true love begins with a choice. With billions of people on earth you have to make a conscious choice to commit to loving one person. This is why I don’t believe people should ever just say the words, “I love you” and don’t mean it. Think about what you’re saying when you say “I love you.” This is a statement which means many people on earth I find you to be the most special and unique person for me. Once you have made this decision you have to understand that love requires action. Love requires understanding, commitment, loyalty, empathy, communication, and so much more. Love is not a feeling even though the actions of love produce feelings. You may wake up and be having a bad day that does not mean you love your partner less. It does not mean you are out of love because the butterflies go away. The problem with love is too many people chase the emotional high. They run from partner to partner and their excuse is, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” How Sway, How? Love with your actions, love with your choices, and when your emotions are out of sync talk to your partner before you decide to call it quits.


Friends! How many of us have them? In relationships being best friends is critical. Your partner spends every day with you and during that time life events will occur. Babies are born, relatives die, jobs are lost, milestones are achieved and all the good and bad of life happens. Your partner should be someone you can see yourself going through the absolute worse times in your life with not just the best days. Your relationship can not just be about love and sex because without friendship whose shoulder will you cry on in times of need. Who do you vent to about your day at work, or how such and such made you feel? Without friendship, there is no trust and without trust there is no loyalty. Lack of friendship between partners is one of the reasons for infidelity. It is hard to be in a relationship without friendship because you can feel all alone. Take the time every day to put down your cell phones, close your social media, turn off the tv, power down the computer, and work on your friendship.


Sex can be the best of a relationship and sex can be the worst. Sex is insecurity, vulnerability, intimacy, judgement, thoughtfulness, and so much more. When a relationship is more love than friendship it can often show up in the bedroom. Your love for a person requires your commitment but without friendship you are not on the same page. The passion leaves the bedroom and sex becomes routine like punching a clock at work. You start having sex because you are supposed to. One person usually always initiates it and the other goes along with it because they don’t want to start an argument. The creativity is gone, the understanding is gone and now you have opened the door for your partner to start fantasizing. Sex with friendship can be wonderful because it requires communication, a mutual understanding of likes and dislikes, a genuine interest in how each other feels, understanding of how stress and other emotions affect sexual interest, and heightened passion. However, sex and friendship without love is just friends with benefits. Sure it feels good for the time being but eventually someone will get hurt. Love and friendship in a relationship without sex is a reality for many married couples sadly. The love is there, the friendship is there, but for one reason or another the sex just does not happen. Having a family is stressful, with bills, jobs, dealing with multiple emotions, needs, and desires from multiple different people. These types of couples can find themselves going days, weeks, or months without a passionate sexual experience. The few times you do make time for sex is just a hurry up and get it over experience. What happened to the intimacy, the creative positions, the I’m into this just as much as you are? This can be devastating to couples because you can be left feeling like you don’t measure up sexually, you’re not attractive, you’re not what that person wants, and your just not good enough. This damages couples and opens the door for all kind of destruction. Sex is a basic human need and often people leave their relationship searching for sex without love or friendship to fulfill it.

You want a good healthy relationship then find a balance of all three. If your relationship is lacking in any area then find a way to add more of what your relationship is lacking. Relationships are not easy and they require work. Most relationships fail because people simply do not want to put in the work. Rather than taking the time to balance out their relationship they just call it quits and move on. They move leaving a trail of tears and bringing baggage to the next person. In the book Anotha on the Hitlist 2, Ace finds himself caught up in the drama of trying to balance his relationship. Will he succeed or will he fail? I don’t know you will just have to download the book and read it for yourself. Find your balance.

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