Why is Forgiveness so Hard?

unforgivenessHave you ever been hurt by someone you loved? The pain can seem unbearable. The worst part about being hurt by someone you love is that you question yourself. Why were you betrayed? Why was this person disloyal? What did you do wrong to deserve this? How can you prevent this again? If you have ever asked yourself these questions, then you are not alone. These questions are a normal part of dealing with hurt. So, you’ve been hurt but the real issue how long will you be hurt? How will you move forward and get to the point that you can let things go? Forgiveness is the first step to your healing process but why is forgiveness so hard?

It’s not fair

You have been hurt, you have been done wrong, you are the victim so why do you have to do all the work? Why do you have to be the bigger person? Why do you have to be the one to forgive? The truth is forgiveness is for you. You have been hurt, and the only way to stop carrying that hurt is for you to forgive the person who hurt you. Until you forgive that person, you are always going to carry the weight of that pain. You will always give that situation power over you because you wear that hurt in your heart and thoughts. Forgiving that person frees you from the pain and frees you from that person. You may make statements such as “I cut that person off,” and “I’m over it,” but truthfully until you forgive you will constantly keep that person and situation on your mind.

I can’t forget

You ever heard the expression “Forgive and Forget?” The truth is forgiveness is not about forgetting. We are human beings, and it is impossible for us to forget when we have been wronged. We often equate forgiveness with forgetting and that is the reason we don’t want to forgive. We will never forget how we were “wronged, ” but the goal is to forgive the action. Jesus himself forgave those who did him wrong, but he will never forget that he died for our sins. He commanded us never to forget he died for our sins. Just as Jesus remembers our sins, he also remembers the pain of our sins when he was nailed to the cross. He forgave mankind for hurting him which allowed him to be free from the burden but he did not forget. Remembering is part of the healing process. The goal is to grow from you past pain not live in it. So, crucify your past pain (die to it), bury it deep (take the time to heal), and be resurrected (free yourself by becoming new) by letting go the pain that you were once caused. Forgive, don’t forget, and begin your brand-new life.

I’m Scared

So, what if I forgive someone and they do it again? Don’t let the “what if” scare you. Often, we don’t forgive because we are so scared of being made a victim again. We have been so emotionally, physically, and mentally scarred that forgiving someone scares us. We never want to experience that type of hurt again and forgiving someone makes us vulnerable. Being hurt creates issues of insecurity and high-stress levels. The truth is never being afraid to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that you should put yourself in a vulnerable situation again. You are confusing forgiveness with reconciliation. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you must reconcile with them. Forgiveness, is a letting process so you can heal and hopefully the other person can grow and learn from their actions. However, it does not mean that you should place yourself in harm’s way again. You can forgive and love from a distance if necessary. It is up to you how your relationship continues with the person that hurt you. Best case scenario you forgive and the two of you are reconciled. A good scenario is you forgive, but you decide to move on free from pain. Worst case scenario you don’t forgive, and you spend the rest of your days hurt, bitter, and angry while that person moves on completely unbothered.

What’s in it for me

What do I get from forgiving someone? Well, if you enjoy clarity, peace of mind, being stress-free, normal blood pressure, and the ability to enjoy life again then my subscription is to forgive. Forgiveness can be a severe disease. Studies have shown that unforgiveness can lead to many serious health problems such as chronic depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, anxiety, personality disorder, low self-esteem, insomnia, suicide, heart attack, cancer, and seriously affect your ability to build relationships in the future. Forgiveness is an opportunity to change your life. Consider your life and forgive for yourself. Why torment yourself every day when happiness is in your power. Forgive and be happy.

The first step towards forgiveness is deciding to forgive. You must make a choice within your own heart that you are going to forgive. The choice should be deeper than just a thought, deeper than just words; it should come from the root of the source of your pain. You want to pull that bitterness out from the roots of your heart so that fresh flowers in your garden of love can grow again. Bring yourself peace today by making the decision to get rid of the pain. In the book “Anotha on the Hitlist” Kianna chose not to forgive and it placed her in a tough situation. Forgive and be free.

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