How can I please my partner when I am not happy myself? How much compromise is too much compromise? What if my partner is not satisfied with the choices I make? What about my friends? What about my values? What about my feelings? Relationships can be amazing but at the same time complex. The number one challenge in relationships is trying not to lose yourself. Here are some tips to avoid losing yourself in a relationship.
Relationships are a two-way street
If you find yourself always being the giver and rarely being the receiver, then you may be losing yourself in your relationship. Do you find yourself always putting your partner’s needs before your own while your partner never considers your feelings at all? Often in relationships compromise and partnership can be lost. You find yourself carrying the weight of all the frustration, emotions, and stress of your relationship while your partner is living carefree. You have placed yourself in the role of the emotional dumping ground, and your partner feels free to dump their weight on you. Meanwhile, if you even open your mouth to vent you’re complaining too much, worrying too much, or your timing is bad. It is always I before you, or me before we, and this is just not healthy for us.
What about your friends
Remember when you had friends? Remember those days when you could call your friends on the phone and talk about life? When was the last time you met up with your friends for coffee, drinks, or recreational activities? Before your relationship, you had a healthy social life, and you were happy. Then you found yourself totally infatuated with your partner and slowly but surely your friends started to drift away. You start to find yourself ignoring your friend’s phone calls, declining to partake in social events, all for the sake of your relationship. The only time you see your friends now is on social media having a good time without you. You look in the mirror and realize your whole life is catering to your relationship and you are just not yourself anymore. Even worse, your friends notice an unhealthy change in you and when they bring it up, it starts an argument. Suddenly, friends you have had for years are no longer friends because they only tried to intervene.
You used to have big dreams and goals, and now your dream is to make it through the day. You were working towards accomplishing your goals in life, and now your dreams are long forgotten. Your dreams were placed on hold because they just did not fit into your relationship. Every day you are reminded of what you should be doing, and now you do not see how you can accomplish these goals. You want to talk to your partner about it, but you are afraid of the response you will get or worse losing them. However, your dreams and goals are a part of you and one of the reasons your partner fell in love with you in the first place.
I used to like
Before you met your partner, you had hobbies and interest. You used to love listening to certain music, watching certain movies, going to the museum, etc. However, your partner is just not that interested. Rather than initiate a compromise, you choose to settle and by settle, I mean you neglect your interest. Suddenly, you find yourself at an event you totally hate with a smile on your face because it makes your partner happy. You get a text from your friends that they are getting together to go to your favorite restaurant, but you ignore because your partner does not like that type of food and does not enjoy being around your friends. After all, as long as your partner is happy why should you care about your interest? Right!
At the end of the day, relationships do not have to be as complicated as we make them. Your partner fell in love with you because you were yourself. Somewhere, from the time you said “Yes, we can go out” and “My friends are having a dinner party tonight, but we can do whatever you want to do” you lost yourself. Losing yourself in a relationship can be dangerous. Don’t believe me then read about how Kianna found herself lost in her relationship in the book Electrorelax by Aaron Jones and how it destroyed her life. Learn from the mistakes of Kianna before it is too late.